a job...God's timing....

after a year and 8 months God has chosen to bless me with a job. it's interesting how the timing worked out. i had temped at the anaheim skin center over christmas time (i was covering for a pregnancy leave) and had to leave in february. since then i got my insurance license and have temped for the summer kids care program at the church...

i got a call the last week in august and was asked to come back to the anaheim skin medical center full time. i am now in training to do medical billing. again i am taking over a job because one of the staff had a baby and decided to stay at home with her new daughter. AMAZING. God's timing.

No Prayer In School...

Now I sit me down in school

Where praying is against the rule

For this great nation under God

Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.

And anytime my head I bow

Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,

That's no offence; it's a freedom scene.

The law is specific, the law is precise.

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall

Might offend someone with no faith at all

In silence alone we must meditate,

God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.

They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.

To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.

It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,

We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,

No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,

When chaos reigns the school's a mess.

So, Lord, this silent plea I make:

Should I be shot; My soul please take! Amen !

~annonymous email...

God, help me want what YOU want

as i was sitting in a business meeting (a conference call) i actually got distracted and had some quality time with God. i told Him about a conversation i had with a co worker, about how frustrated i was because i have an appointment tonight (which is a good thing) but i was told that i would help with the presentation this morning (around 8am) and i am NOT a morning person. plus my whole heart is not in this meeting, but rather at another meeting i want to go to at the same time. my bible study group is adding a new person tonight and i really wanted to be there to meet her since i have a hard time with change and have actually been struggling with the change in our group since monday (it is now wednesday). i thought i had come to a place of acceptance, but in the back of my mind i keep praying that God would cancel the appointment so that i could go to my study. anyways, the important part of this is that i would like -- instead of God to answer my desire to change the meeting, i want my desire to become HIS.

God, my hearts cry right now is to "help me to want what YOU want".

"It's not about where we are but about where we are going" ~jim o'rielly

i know this quote has been used by different people, but this morning i heard it during a conference call and it got me to thinking. right now i'm not necessarily ok with where i am. i mean i am in transition (between jobs... i have started to get my feet wet in Primerica, but it hasn't been enough to bring in a consistent income and i am doing a couple temporary- REALLY temporary like subbing for BLAST every couple weeks or so), living with my parents, POOR... yet in some ways much happier then when i was working. and in some ways fighting an uphill battle with my emotions.

it is true that right now, in this economy, it is harder to find a job. even those jobs like fast food are few and far between. there's very little middle ground to accomodate those who have "not enough" experience and those who have "too much" or are "too specialized". for some of us it seems like a lose/lose situation.

ok, but let's get back to the "it's not ABOUT where we are but ABOUT where we are going" idea.

in the present economy life looks a little dismal. or we can come at it from a different perspective. that this economy has "OPPORTUNITIES". i admit i have always been the "glass half empty" kind of girl and have had to constantly work on myself to change that perspective.

i had a great conversation this morning that stemmed from the answer to "how are you doing?" this morning. the answer i got was different than the usual "fine". it was "great, always great!"

how i want to adopt that attitude! to dream again! to have HOPE!!!!!

so, instead of focusing on where i am right now (which is not all that bad really... i have people who love me, pets who bring sunshine into my life, good health- for the most part...) i need to stop, take some time to dream (maybe actually write down dreams) then take some action steps to fulfill those dreams. it all starts with not just staying where you are but taking an honest look, then moving forward to a better future.

decisions...

Decisions are a part of life.
They are a part of each day... each hour... each minute....
Can one ever get expert at making them?

I am very analytical and think through everything... what will the outcome of each decision be? Is there a right or wrong choice? What is most beneficial?

Today I had to make one, and I chose to do what I thought was "best" over what I wanted. This seems to be how I most often choose and then I always end up questioning whether I made the right choice.

God, help me to just leave my decision and the results in Your hand. And the next time I am asked to choose, help me to include YOU in my choice.

Thank You God for.....

List five trials and tribulations in your life and the miracles that they lead to.

5 trials...

1. i deal with depression every day.

~it makes me thankful for the little things (the moments that i FEEL happy, i don't take those for granted because they are few...)

2. i don't have a consistent job/income

~it makes me trust God - for everything.

3. i have dehabilitating fear that keeps me from being able to take steps to be successful at accomplishing my goals (of getting a job, being more social, being confident enough to move out...)

~the fear has caused me to seek out help (counseling), but nothing goes away over night so i still daily- sometimes hourly- deal with it (every time i have to make a decision i face the fear).

4. making wise choices

~i am forced to make decisions on how to use my time. do i use it wisely? do i waste it?

5. have little confidence/self worth

~have to realize that my worth comes from God.

Phil. 3:12-14 in my own words...

My focus needs to be stayed on the prize, eternal life with God. Therefore, i need to stop being distracted by my past, worried about my future-- and instead place my hand in Gods and just let Him lead me HOME!

Surrender...

tonight i was preparing for bible study and as i was going through the book the chapter we were on was talking about extravagant love and surrender. it used the story of mary, using expensive perfume to wash Jesus' feet, then judas being mad and asking why she'd used that perfume when she could've donated money to the poor.

the two different loves - mary's and judas' love for Jesus- were polar opposits. mary loved Jesus extravagantly and with total committment. she held nothing back. judas, on the other hand, had an agenda and was always looking for what he could get out of the relationship. mary gave her all.

God, i want to be like mary. willing to give my all for You with NO EXPECTATIONS. keep my motives pure. help me to be able to have a mary heart, one that gives without holding back. doesn't expect anything in return. loves extravagantly. and surrenders all.

God, help me be able to surrender all for You. i know that once i get there, You long to give me even more than i could ever dream.

like the father who gave his daughter a fake string of pearls and asked her to be willing to surrender completely by giving it back to him. she struggled, and cried as she handed back her precious gift from her daddy. once she gave it back, he was able to exchange it for REAL pearls. that's what God wants to do for me. i have nothing to fear in sacrificing my all, but i have this NEED to be in control. God, help me to relinquish that need and surrender- whole heartedly, all that i am and have to You. then please bless me with the REAL PEARLS!

The Scary-ness of Nights...

i don't know why, but for the longest time nights have scared me. i worry about not being able to go to sleep. i worry about not waking up or waking up randomly during the night ... i don't know when this started, but i know that i have never liked nights. maybe that's why i like to take naps during the day. because i feel safe. i know that a couple years ago i had panic attacks every night. and i would dread the thought of going to bed knowing that they would come and not being able to do anything about them.

then there was the trying to get to sleep in college. trying to CONTROL my sleep and be able to keep to my schedule of classes and not be tired. especially in the morning when classes would drag and i would long to go back to my room and curl up.... i remember hating to be awake after my roomates fell asleep and being able to hear their snores... and then when they didn't come home before i went to bed, i worried that they would wake me when they came in. and 9 times out of 10 they did! i sleep lightly. thankfully i have my own room and only the pets seem to wake me. i'm aware of them moving around. but when they wake me i feel something a little different. i love them and am much more accepting of them disturbing me!

God, instead of nights being scary, help me to just learn to rest in YOUR everlasting arms and not worry, but let You be in control. help me to surrender myself completely to You, starting with giving You my FEARS... especially my fear of night.

Psalm 51:10-12 personalized by me....

LORD,

Transform me from the inside out.

Help me be able to let go of my pride and also be able to do what You ask without fighting and demanding my way.

God, don't leave me--even when I struggle to obey.

When i fight You is when i need You the most (and when i don't understand...)

Keep reminding me of the joy of my salvation and how my spirit longs for You.

I love You... Abba (my daddy)

Agony...

the past few days have been AGONY.

shasta has been in heat, she sprayed a couple of my things (bible study book, bible, etc....). i dealt with it and moved on. unfortunately i told my mom. the next day i found pee on my green chair. i called my mom and asked her if she could get a new set of discipleship books for my friend amy since the pee had ruined a book. at the time i told the story i may not have defrientiated between pee and spray. i may have even blamed shasta. as i thought about it later, i don't know WHO peed on the chair. it could've been peanut.


anyways my mom met my dad for lunch that day and she had a total breakdown. she gave an ultimatum- either she goes or the cat goes. my dad relayed the message to me and said maybe we could soften her up if i got her neutered and cleaned up the piles...

at first, after hearing that, i cried. this wasn't my normal cry, it was my heart broken cry... sobs from sooo deep wtihin they hurt.

these past couple days i have been crying on and off. i also have called around to find out about getting shasta neutered.

shasta and i went to the vet and spent 3 hours yesterday to see the doc and get an estimate on what it would cost to have surgery and get all caught up on her shots. the couple place i called told me that shasta would have to see a doctor cuz she was older and get shots before she could have surgery.

ok, i have another lead i have to follow up on ... God, help it to work out in a way that both my mom and i can live with. God, i'm having a hard time... God, help me to be able to give up my hold on shasta. i love her sooo much. i love my mom. i'm torn. God, i wish that i could move out and take shasta. can you open that door? God help me trust You. Help me give both shasta and my mom to You. i'm having troube with that.

45 Lessons Life Taught Me...

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland ,

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

God is Busy

GOD Is Busy

If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!

A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan .

One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform.. I'll give you exactly 15 min.'

The lecture room fell silent.

You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am GOD, I'm still wait ing.'

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform.

The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What in the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?' The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.' The classroom erupted in cheers!

THIS IS GOOD, KEEP IT GOING!

~annonymous email....

A Father's Wish

A Father's Wish
June 12, 2009 by
Jeffrey Beeson


A father's wishes for his children,

Are generally few and quite simple.

He prays that they will find Christ,

And share with others their new life.

He hopes that they will have a good life,

Hopefully free of much worry or strife.

He plans to protect them, but not by his will,

But by the security they gain from the cross on a hill.

He has a love for his children that is gentle and tough,

Like the love from his Father above, this is more than enough.

Trust and honor and his words that are true,

They are his character, his way and it is nothing new,

That what he hopes to pass on to those left behind,

Are not possessions unlimited, nor unlimited time.

His main wish is just one simple thing,

That they will honor his life by having Christ as their King.

Look to the Cross- a devotional by Jim Burns

Perspective

This devotional was written by Jim Burns

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. —James 4:7-8

The young woman in the chair tapped her feet.

Nervous…

Worried…

Confused…

Frustrated…

A tear tumbled down her cheek and dropped on the floor.She took a deep breath and quit tapping her feet.

Then she stood…

walked to her dresser and picked up a small, simple wooden cross.

For a moment all was quiet as she focused on that cross.

She stared intently…

The cross grabbed her attention.

After another few moments she smiled...and went on with her day.

Is there something bothering you? What are you anxious and worried about? Take a moment and look to the cross.

25 Dreams...

i am reading a book right now called "25 Wishes" about a group of widows who meet together on valentines day and decide to make a list of 25 things that they would like to do before they die. this is NOT a new idea, i have seen it before in movies such as "a walk to remember", the "bucket list"- and i was challenged to write down my dreams at a conference in may. therefore i am actually taking a moment to think about and do it. what do i want to do before i die? here are at least 25 of the top ten i would like to experience in my life...

1. to rescue kids and animals by owning a place (like a mansion) where orphans, neglected/abused kids, runaways and animals can go to find healing (or be healing for each other!).

2. to have/adopt kids

3. to own a home and a vacation home (in hawaii) where i can raise a family

4. to build a couple of schools for the dalits in india

5. to find a cure for cystic fibrosis and cancer

6. to be a part of God's plan to tell the WORLD about God (the GREAT COMMISSION)

7. to get a book that i write published

8. to succees and become a multi-millionaire through primerica so i have enough money to provide for myself, my parents, and a # of charities

9. to marry my best friend/lover/soul mate

10. to be healed from my anxiety/depression

11. to own yearly passes to all my favorite places (disneyland, seaworld, the san diego zoo...) every year that i want to

12. to succeed in having a good self image so that i am confident and self assured

13. to find the right counselor/medication

14. to take a class on photography

15. to take a class on challigraphy

16. to be able to establish healthy boundaries so that my life is on track in all areas (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical...)

17. to lose 30 more lbs (or get to 130lbs)

18. to have a balanced life (spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically)- get a plan in gear and start to exercise, eat right, have a consistent quiet time...

19. to travel a little. go to europe and visit geneiva (the hiding place), germany (sleeping beauty's castle), australia, canada (prince edward island), florida (disneyworld!), san francisco...

20. to be able to take my own vacation (apart from my family) and live life to the fullest as a single person

21. to learn some life skills in preparation for marriage (how to shop, cook, clean...)

22. to be able to put a financial plan in action (first i have to have a little money)

23. to get completely out of debt

24. to be able to get into a house/condo/apartment now while i am single

25. to get a best friend for life who loves me unconditionally

L. A. Zoo June 2009

After a full weekend of celebration (mom's bday), training, church, sunday school, and the l.a. zoo. One of my favorite places, i guess because of the animals that God created. God created a heart in me that loves animals. i also got to go to the zoo with friends, which made the whole experience even better. here's some of what we saw... the AMAZING creation of my best friend and Heavenly Father.

hope you enjoy!

Love in Black & White

If love could be in black and white

how romantic would that be?

a time less frought with perils,

and more simplicity.

if love could have a scarlet glow

to set it far apart.

then into your dreams and arms i'd go,

and you would forever hold my heart.

~cwips by christy matt

Legacy

Have you ever thought about the legacy you wanted to leave behind?

what if today was your last day to live?

what would you want people to remember about you?

lt seems as though death has been close to me recently. last year a friend of mine died. he was in the middle of worsip and he went unconscious and never woke up.

about a month ago a lady who was in my bible study passed away in her sleep. she had just past her one year anniversary of marriage and was only 31 years old.

a couple of children in my life are really ill.

it's funny cuz we expect the elderly to pass before the young, but life doesn't always work like that.

again, what would you want your legacy to be?

would you want people to remember all your great accomplishments? or the time that you shared with them?

how hard you worked? or intimate moments?

we get sooo caught up in the pace of the world, but are we stopping long enough to enjoy life?

i want to look back on my life and have no regrets. i want to feel good about my accomplishments, but more than that i want to be remembered for touching lives with God's love. God, help my heart to be stayed on You. be the center of my life and let others see me stick out all over for You.

~cwips by christy matt

If I had my life to live over by erma bombeck

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for th e day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn! With my grass stains.


I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's; more 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it. Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Instead; let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with, and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally. I hope you have a blessed day

prayer list...

God,

right now my prayer list seems to be growing and growing. there are sooo many hurting and with each one my heart hurts. You have given me the gift of empathy, yet i need to be careful to guard my heart as i use it otherwise i end up hurting- and how does that help anyone else? there are needs sooo simple as just help me to have the energy to get up today, to sickness and death. part of being in a fallen world i know. help me to keep everyone in prayer. to lift them to You and when i don't know how to intercede, have the Spirit take over on my behalf. help me to be faithful and take the time to focus on them and their need. help me grow closer to YOU and truly trust that however YOU choose to answer my prayers is BETTER than my way. hold me in YOUR arms of love- and wrap YOUR arms around each one on my list. help them to feel YOUR comfort. truly make a difference and give them the desire to draw close to YOU at this time.

amen....

dog dayz...

this has been the best couple days so far of hanging with the dogs!

between barking wakeup calls, walks, swimming, frisbee and belly rubs who could ask for a better life?

dogs live in the moment. they don't worry about the future, they enjoy the company they are with, they react to things in the moment- then get over it! the best thing they do is love unconditionally.

if only we could learn from dogs to live in the moment, love unconditionally and enjoy life to the fullest!