God, help me want what YOU want

as i was sitting in a business meeting (a conference call) i actually got distracted and had some quality time with God. i told Him about a conversation i had with a co worker, about how frustrated i was because i have an appointment tonight (which is a good thing) but i was told that i would help with the presentation this morning (around 8am) and i am NOT a morning person. plus my whole heart is not in this meeting, but rather at another meeting i want to go to at the same time. my bible study group is adding a new person tonight and i really wanted to be there to meet her since i have a hard time with change and have actually been struggling with the change in our group since monday (it is now wednesday). i thought i had come to a place of acceptance, but in the back of my mind i keep praying that God would cancel the appointment so that i could go to my study. anyways, the important part of this is that i would like -- instead of God to answer my desire to change the meeting, i want my desire to become HIS.

God, my hearts cry right now is to "help me to want what YOU want".

"It's not about where we are but about where we are going" ~jim o'rielly

i know this quote has been used by different people, but this morning i heard it during a conference call and it got me to thinking. right now i'm not necessarily ok with where i am. i mean i am in transition (between jobs... i have started to get my feet wet in Primerica, but it hasn't been enough to bring in a consistent income and i am doing a couple temporary- REALLY temporary like subbing for BLAST every couple weeks or so), living with my parents, POOR... yet in some ways much happier then when i was working. and in some ways fighting an uphill battle with my emotions.

it is true that right now, in this economy, it is harder to find a job. even those jobs like fast food are few and far between. there's very little middle ground to accomodate those who have "not enough" experience and those who have "too much" or are "too specialized". for some of us it seems like a lose/lose situation.

ok, but let's get back to the "it's not ABOUT where we are but ABOUT where we are going" idea.

in the present economy life looks a little dismal. or we can come at it from a different perspective. that this economy has "OPPORTUNITIES". i admit i have always been the "glass half empty" kind of girl and have had to constantly work on myself to change that perspective.

i had a great conversation this morning that stemmed from the answer to "how are you doing?" this morning. the answer i got was different than the usual "fine". it was "great, always great!"

how i want to adopt that attitude! to dream again! to have HOPE!!!!!

so, instead of focusing on where i am right now (which is not all that bad really... i have people who love me, pets who bring sunshine into my life, good health- for the most part...) i need to stop, take some time to dream (maybe actually write down dreams) then take some action steps to fulfill those dreams. it all starts with not just staying where you are but taking an honest look, then moving forward to a better future.

decisions...

Decisions are a part of life.
They are a part of each day... each hour... each minute....
Can one ever get expert at making them?

I am very analytical and think through everything... what will the outcome of each decision be? Is there a right or wrong choice? What is most beneficial?

Today I had to make one, and I chose to do what I thought was "best" over what I wanted. This seems to be how I most often choose and then I always end up questioning whether I made the right choice.

God, help me to just leave my decision and the results in Your hand. And the next time I am asked to choose, help me to include YOU in my choice.

Thank You God for.....

List five trials and tribulations in your life and the miracles that they lead to.

5 trials...

1. i deal with depression every day.

~it makes me thankful for the little things (the moments that i FEEL happy, i don't take those for granted because they are few...)

2. i don't have a consistent job/income

~it makes me trust God - for everything.

3. i have dehabilitating fear that keeps me from being able to take steps to be successful at accomplishing my goals (of getting a job, being more social, being confident enough to move out...)

~the fear has caused me to seek out help (counseling), but nothing goes away over night so i still daily- sometimes hourly- deal with it (every time i have to make a decision i face the fear).

4. making wise choices

~i am forced to make decisions on how to use my time. do i use it wisely? do i waste it?

5. have little confidence/self worth

~have to realize that my worth comes from God.

Phil. 3:12-14 in my own words...

My focus needs to be stayed on the prize, eternal life with God. Therefore, i need to stop being distracted by my past, worried about my future-- and instead place my hand in Gods and just let Him lead me HOME!