Convo with God:

 

God: Christy how was your day?

 

Me: it was ok, much better than yesterday. I’m starting to feel that tummy ache, yucky nervousness again. Why can’t I not feel nervous? Why does my tummy have to hurt?

 

God: do you trust ME?

 

Me: I want to…

 

God: but do you? I could give you My PEACE that passes all understanding. I could give you sweet rest.

 

Me: why is it soooo hard to trust? Why can’t I simply let go and RELEASE it into Your hands? Why do I have to try to hold on sooo tightly?

 

God: I made you and I have designed your personality to want control. To want order. And when things don’t go according to plan it stresses you out. Because of this you need to work a little harder to let go. You are trying to hold onto the control, the order, the having to know what comes next. I AM a God who is creative, loves to think outside the box, loves to let His creation create… you, Christy, have a gift- a creativeness given to you by Me. When you are able to step outside yourself and reach out to others they begin to get a tiny glimpse of who I AM.

 

Me: God I want others to see You through me but I’m scared with this overwhelming anxiety and depression. I don’t know how to move beyond the disorder and I let it get the best of me. In fact I begin to let it identify me. God I want to be a light for You. I’m failing in my own strength, so please let Your strength takeover.